Fighting for their Premier League survival after a dire home defeat to Reading on Saturday, Newcastle have once again decided to look to France for help.
Defenders Mapou Yanga-Mbiwa and Massadio Haidara, midfielder Moussa Sissoko and winger Yoann Gouffran all look set to be confirmed as Magpies players this week, bolstering a squad which already boasts the talents of former Ligue 1 stars Yohan Cabaye, Hatem Ben Arfa and Mathieu Debuchy, among others.

All this comes after Alan Pardew was gazumped by QPR and Harry Redknapp in the race for Marseille striker Loic Remy. So who is next? Napoleon? Marcel Marceau? Gerard Depardieu? Some randomer wearing a hooped jumper with perhaps a greater affection for garlic than is wise?

As Goal.com's satirist-in-chief George Ankers claims, maybe it's time for Newcastle to start calling themselves Nouveauchateau. Whoever it is, we're all for it. Allez les Toon!

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